Meeting Someone in the BDSM Community - Move Over Mr Grey

There’s no helicopter on standby, no extravagant gifts such as first edition copies of books and definitely no holiday homing in Aspen.

As I burst your bubble and bring you back to reality, your hopes and dreams of finding a rich, brooding dominant or shy, innocent submissive may be somewhat gone. Sorry not sorry!

No, Mr Christian Grey and Miss Anastasia Steels do not exist but there are plenty of people that do exist in the kink community. So if you’ve got a fantasy conjured up in your head from the books you’ve read of what you want to happen, now is the time to let go of the fiction. Books can be very misleading when it comes to a relationship with BDSM as the main element in a story, they are written to entice us to want more and to serve as an escape if we need it but a positive is they can also help us to release our inhibitions and leave us wanting to experience and try new things. 

When you’re wanting to meet to a Dominant / submissive or another it’s important to remember that the people that identify in these roles are just everyday people like you, who may have jobs, responsibilities and have families so it’s important to treat them as such and not hold anyone on a pedestal. 

There’s no right or wrong way to meet someone but it can help you a great deal if you try to expand your BDSM contacts. I recommend reaching out to others to try and build friendships of common ground as it can really help and benefit you having someone to talk to that shares the same interests, it can also be encouraging if it’s someone that has more experience so they may be able to help guide you down the path you’re wanting to go. 

It’s important to note now that not all BDSM relationships involve romance or even sex, it’s up to the individuals involved together. Some Dominants may also choose to have many partners and not just one which is often romanticised in books, this is something else to be aware of when you’re wanting to meet someone. Always remember though, you can do whatever you want as you are in control and the most important thing is you give or receive consent and are safe. 

Whether you are looking for a long term partner or a BDSM hookup you should always put your safety first and never initially meet someone in private for the first time. You should always go at a pace you are comfortable with and if the person you’re meeting isn’t happy with that then they are not the person for you. A lot of the same dating rules still apply, that it’s important to build up trust and not to rush anything, especially any scenes that you are unsure of. It’s all about your limits and knowing when not to push them, there are many helpful blogs and guides out there that you should look up first before doing anything physically. You should always do your research and read as much as you can as there are many different factors and elements in BDSM that you will like and dislike so it’s important to take your time.

Does reading books make you want to try new things? What’s your number one tip for meeting someone new? Let us know in the comments below.